EEK.
This was the hardest week emotionally so far.
Not because the assignments were impossible, but because painting and drawing myself brought up all kinds of feelings I did not expect. I felt frustrated, self conscious, and honestly a little stuck inside my own head.
At one point I hit a wall and I prayed. I asked God if I was sinning in this, because it felt so uncomfortable and I did not know what to do with that discomfort.
And I heard Him clearly.
Not in a harsh way, but in a loving, direct way. He told me not to be vain.
That totally blew my mind.
Because I realized how much of my frustration was coming from the pressure to look a certain way, to get it “right,” to manage how I appear. And the moment I let that go, something shifted. I could finish the work with joy, not because it suddenly got easy, but because my heart got lighter.
This week became less about me, and more about learning. Seeing. Practicing. Being grateful I get to do this at all.
Self Portrait Drawing From Photo
The drawing was the first step, and it helped me settle into observation.
A self portrait forces me to look at proportions I think I already know. But I do not actually know them until I measure and compare. I had to slow down and really study angles, distances, and value changes, especially around the eyes, nose, and mouth.
The drawing also taught me something simple: when I stop judging and start observing, I can actually enjoy the process.
Self Portrait Oil Painting From Photo
For the oil painting, I asked my husband to pick the photo I should paint.
I did that on purpose because I did not want to overthink the choice or pick something that felt “safe.” He chose a photo and said it seemed to capture my personality the best.
That made the assignment feel even more personal, which was intimidating, but also meaningful.
Painting a face is already a challenge. Painting my own face was a whole different level. Every small shift matters. If the proportions are off, the likeness disappears fast. If the values are off, the form collapses. It demanded patience, and it demanded that I stay present.
But after that moment in prayer, I approached it differently. I stopped trying to control the outcome and focused on doing the work in front of me. And that is when it came together.
What I Learned
- A self portrait is not just an art assignment. It is an emotional assignment.
- Frustration can come from self focus in ways I do not always notice at first.
- When I let go of vanity and judgment, I can paint with joy.
- Asking someone else to pick the reference photo was a gift. It helped me paint personality, not perfection.
Closing
Week 11 challenged me more than any week so far, but I am grateful for it.
I finished the assignments with joy, and I learned something I will carry with me far beyond this course. I do not have to be afraid of seeing myself. I just have to keep my heart in the right place and keep showing up to do the work.
